If We Talked About Pastors The Way We Talk About Trans Women…

It would make more sense

Photo by Tye Doring on Unsplash

This article was originally published on Medium.

I am concerned about a problem in our society and that problem is Christian Pastors.***

I know people identify as Pastors, but why do they have to do so in public? Shouldn’t they only do so in the privacy of their own home? There are children in public!

Why introduce themselves as pastors or ask people to call them pastors? They say it’s a sign of respect, but I think they’re just being entitled.

What if them being a pastor is against my beliefs and I don’t want to call them one? It sounds like they are persecuting me then.

I think being a pastor is just something they made up and as long as we keep calling them pastors, we are supporting their delusion that they were ordained by some god. Believing that sounds like a mental illness.

And I’m especially concerned with the way they’re around children all the time. I think they’re sexual predators who are trying to groom our children. Children are always at church and pastors hang out there all the time. It’s suspicious.

I mean, it’s not even like they ignore the children at church. They’re always trying to read and teach the Bible to children. And some of them literally specialize in teaching children, they’re called youth pastors.

If they weren’t a bunch of pedophiles, then they wouldn’t be trying to be around children all the time. We must protect our children from them.

And don’t get me started on them using bathrooms! There’s children in there, too, and the only reason they could want to go to the bathroom with children is if they were perverts trying to assault them.

We should ban pastors from going to the restroom.

Personally, I will only support politicians who are working to keep America safe by passing anti-pastor laws.

The radical right has gone too far, expecting us to allow pastors to have rights. I’m tired of it.

And saying so is not me being bigoted. It’s me being brave.

***This article is satire.